Slowly, but surely, our society has been starting to get used to trans people.
I say "get used to" instead of "accept" very intentionally. I think there is a type of passive acceptance that comes before "getting used to" something. Acceptance of trans people might mean saying, "Sure, there's nothing wrong with that, people can do what they want." I think this attitude of "you do you" does capture most people's feelings around being trans.
But "getting used to" captures a different feeling. When I say our society is getting used to trans people, that means people saying, "Sure, that seems normal to me, there is nothing surprising about that."
The transgender identity and existence is becoming more and more a part of our collective consciousness. Generally people understand without explanation what it means to be transgender. From celebrities like Caitlin Jenner and Laverne Cox, people admire and sometimes even fetishize trans people. People are starting to understand that when people are “born into the wrong body,” that they desire surgery and thus change from one gender to the other, changing their appearance, name, pronouns, and which bathroom they use. I think nowadays most people are okay with trans people—as long as they fully transition.
One thing that society is still trying to grapple with and only starting to understand--and some are still really confused by--are people who choose not to fully transition. People often don’t understand when a person has decided not to fully transition from one binary to the other. Man to a woman? Woman to a man? People generally are like, "Ok, that's cool." Woman and man are two binary ends on a gender spectrum. When people fall between those ends, ending up in the gray area between them, cis people get confused.
I can see why someone might be confused if they've never met or heard of someone who is non-binary--someone who doesn't identify as a man or a woman. The way I would explain the growing “non-transition trans” phenomenon is in two different ways.
First of all, deciding to transition is like going through puberty. Puberty takes about 10 years (hormones start to change around age 10 and--if CU Boulder students are any indication--don't really mature into adults until age 20 or later). From the time someone comes out to themselves as trans, it might take them up to 10 years or longer—and I would argue that the trans journey is a lifelong one—to fully transition. And "fully transition" means whatever that means for them: it might mean taking hormones or getting surgery, but it might not. The trans journey is a long one, and doesn’t need to be rushed.
Second of all, some people don’t identify with either side of the gender binary. They identify as non-binary, genderfluid, genderqueer, Two Spirited, gender expansive, or something else. Some people identify as androgynous or agender, some people identify as transmasculine or transfeminine--they are trans but not "fully" transitioned into being a transman or transwoman. Some people identify as having and celebrating both masculine and feminine traits—having a beard and wearing make-up and high heels, for example.
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| Jonathan Van Ness at the 2019 MTV awards. |
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| Van Ness is non-binary. His gender pronouns are he/him/his, but he has indicated that he is okay being referred to with she/her or they/them as well. Watch a video to learn more about his experience. |
Note: Janelle Monáe is another celebrity who is openly non-binary.
This blog post will set out to explain my own experience with these different ways of understanding gender. In our information overloaded world, you could read countless articles and YouTube videos about non-binary people. Just Google it. But I have found that when people are learning a new concept, having personal stories or having someone they personally know tell them their own experience is helpful. So this blog post is an attempt to shed some light on my world.
Saying it again for the people in the back:
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