My partner, Brai, who is trans non-binary, read my last post and had some thoughts to add. With their permission, I share Brai's thoughts with you now!
This definitely strikes a chord with me. It is definitely hard for me to say the words, "Hi, I am trans and use they/them pronouns" in an open setting with other people. It is definitely a phrase that promotes awkward silences.
It makes me wonder, what do I fear with the word trans? Perhaps I fear the fear that people have of this word as much as I may hear the word as weird itself. I fear that I may bring discomfort to the people in my life. I fear that when I think of me, they will disdain fact that I expect them to use my pronouns. I fear that they will have a problem with the way that I dress, and that that will make them uncomfortable.
It is interesting to think about this with respect to meditation. For me, one of the things that makes meditating so hard is the fact that it can be uncomfortable. Especially given the amount of knee hip and back pain that I have had in my life, discomfort has often been my go-to reason for why I don’t meditate. Part of meditation is learning to sit with the discomfort.
I have been dealing with a lot of discomfort around bathrooms and locker rooms lately. When there’s an option for a gender-neutral bathroom, I always go for that even if it’s a little bit longer of a walk. (I have gender-neutral bathrooms at work, but only on certain floors.)
But since work does not have a gender-neutral locker room, I have been using the women’s locker room. Ultimately what I feel more comfortable with depends on the moment. At work I am trying to be out and proud about being trans feminine and non-binary, so using they/them pronouns and the women’s bathroom feels like I’m being true to myself.
In the airport I just want to take a piss as quickly as possible and be on my way. This is obviously much easier if there is a urinal. So I use the men’s bathroom. Otherwise it often depends on how I’m dressed. If I am wearing a dress, the woman’s bathroom feels more comfortable. However, that does not mean that I am comfortable in that moment. If I am wearing jeans and a T-shirt, I may be more likely to go into the men’s bathroom, but that doesn’t mean that I’m comfortable there either.
Life isn’t comfortable.
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