Guljennet and Muqeddes

This is one of the stories that didn't make it into my book. I still want to share it because it paints a picture of Uyghur life in the city. But it wasn't relevant enough to my main argument to include in the final draft of the book. 

June 2017. 

Muqeddes’s sister passed away in her late forties from liver cancer, leaving behind six children. After hearing the news over the phone, I went to visit the family. When I walked in their house, Guljennet and Muqeddes weren’t there. Guljennet’s sister-in-law was preparing lunch in a black headscarf, an important mourning practice. The room was full of the school age kids of the family—Guljennet’s nieces, nephews, and cousins—who couldn’t miss school to attend the funeral. Guljennet’s sister-in-law told me:

On Sunday, we got the call saying that our mother had gotten really weak, and had stopped speaking. We were planning on buying plane tickets when we got the phone call that she had passed. We cried and cried and cried together, then they got tickets and arrived in [our hometown] that very evening. I’m staying behind to care for the kids, but Guljennet and Muqeddes went back for the funeral.

The family put out the tablecloth and naan on the carpet in preparation for lunch. I put the peaches and the fried chicken I had brought on the tablecloth. They hadn’t noticed until that point that I had brought some gifts. When the sister-in-law saw what was in the bag, she exclaimed after opening it, “Oh! It’s meat!” which everyone instantly dug into happily. After everyone had some, there was only enough for everyone to have a few pieces. 

“Are you fasting?” I asked, because the sister-in-law hadn’t eaten anything. But she said no because she’s nursing right now. She was letting the kids eat first. 

I played with the kids, one of them telling me a creative story using Guljennet’s daughter’s Chinese literature textbook. I played with the infant until I smelled shit and put him back on the diaper cloth, where he pooped all over. 

---

I left, and walked back home. In the market that I traversed on my way home, I saw a pair of young boys selling melons, and other young kids selling underwear. I stopped on my way home under the single light bulb of the lady who I had bought apricots from—she recognized me. I bought a piece of watermelon. While I ate the Uyghur woman next to me was saying that they were going to kick her out of Urumqi for not having proper urban registration. 

In most parts of the city of Ürümchi, you would never even know that we were in the middle of Ramadan. But in the Uyghur ghetto, it was clear that most people were fasting. And everyone was struggling just to get by. As I walked away out of the Uyghur ghetto, the huge plant display in front of the vocational school was finally finished. It’s huge Chinese characters screamed at me, reminding me that I was in China after all: “Long Live the Chinese Communist Party! Long Live Ethnic Solidarity!” it read.

---

Later that week, Muqeddes returned from their hometown and I went to visit the family again. She explained to me the latest developments to the neighborhood: “They are going to demolish our house. Because we are renters, not owners, that means no compensation and no place to live. They’re doing this for the purpose of sending us back to our hometown.”

She then offered to bring me water, but I said, “Let’s eat and drink together at the time to open our mouths,” which is how people talk about breaking their fast. She giggled and said okay. 

“So they’re demolishing your house, but are they demolishing your fabric shop?” I asked.

“No, they’re just demolishing the house, not the shop,” she replied. 

Without thinking, I blurted out, “Are you happy about that?” I was thinking she would be happy or grateful or something that her shop was not being shut down and she would continue to do business here, which would allow her to make money and allow her daughter to go to school here in the city. 

“What? No, of course I’m not happy, why would I be happy about that?" I blushed sheepishly, ashamed at my lack of forward thinking. "They’re going to demolish my home but not my shop? You know what that means, right? They want me, and all of us, to go back to our hometowns. That’s what this is about. They are taking away any place we have to live, we have no place to live, then we have to go back to our hometowns. How am I supposed to continue to do business if I don’t have a place to live? Also, if they demolish our home but not our shop, they’re not responsible to give us any compensation since we’re renters. I don’t know what to do. Life is so hard. I seriously hate life right now. I honestly don’t want to live anymore.” I just nodded in understanding, but I didn't know what else to say. 

A little girl, less than five years old, from the neighboring apartment came in the living room at that moment. She asked me, “Are you a foreigner?” 

“No, she’s not a foreigner, what kind of crazy talk are you screaming about, she’s a Uyghur!” Muqeddes screamed back. Many Uyghurs have European features, so it was easy to convince her. After she left, Muqeddes explained to me that the girl’s mother works for the police, so she had to make sure it didn’t get back to her mother that there was a foreigner hanging out at her house. 

Later, we broke fast, each with a large bowl of homemade yogurt around the tablecloth, a bowl of nectarines, huge, round naan, meat bread, and pieces of melon. Muqeddes indicated to me to bring my hands up in prayer, and we wiped our faces back together, her taking a sip of yogurt and a bite of melon.

“I’m so thirsty,” Muqeddes said over and over again as she devoured the melons. She yelled at me several times to eat more meat bread (gosh naan), saying, “I’m going to happy if you eat it and angry if you don’t!” I did eat the meat bread, and even then she kept offering to make me noodles, which I had to keep insisting that she not go to the trouble. Uyghurs show hospitality through giving lots of food.

After we had our share of yogurt, meat bread, and melons, I got up to go home. Right when I was about to open the door, we saw shadows coming down the stairs. Muqeddes grabbed my arm and pulled me back and shut the door, indicating with her index finger on her lips that I should be silent. We waited for the people to pass and then she opened the door and said it was clear for me to go now. She didn’t want people to know that she was hanging out with a foreigner.  

Forgotten History

In September 2020 in Denver, Colorado, I was at a street protest calling for an end to the concentration camps holding Uyghurs in China. Rana Abdellatif, 16 years old, stood up in front of the crowd and performed the following as spoken word. This poem is being used with her permission. 

Forgotten History

Rana Abdellatif

 

We say peace, they hear terror.

We say hurt, they pretend not to look.

We say pain, they hear economic gain.

 

But no more will they misinterpret my words.

No more will we allow this absurd treatment to go uncalled for.

No more will we fall into the pattern of neglect and intentional ignorance.

 

I use the word pattern because this is nothing new.

We will not ignore the pain that innocent Jews and Japanese had to go through.

Long-standing because society failed.

Here we are, “Latest Edition: History Repeating Itself Round 2.”

Rarely even talked about on the news.

But Trump banning Tik Tok, that's something everyone knew.

 

Muslims are damned left and right.

As much as I want our strength and unity to prevail

We are constantly beaten to the ground.

 

They take our pride

Years of oppression

Stares after 9/11

From Palestinian cries

From Syrian pain and Somali lives

From Rohingyas slain and Kashmiris betrayed

To concentration camps in China happening literally today.

 

I wish I could say it were all lies.

But that would simply be my consciousness using my privilege to develop blind eyes.

For they say ignorance is bliss and bliss it is indeed

But that does not excuse ignorance to the Uyghur’s blood, to the Uyghur’s needs,

for we will not ignore their mothers’ cries,

the fear in their fathers’ eyes,

as their daughters are stolen late at night, to do things I can’t even begin to describe,

to do things that I would never even dare to wish on my worst enemy.

That’s the Muslim in me.

The word salaam meaning peace.

The smile I hold high when we greet.

The lingering pain hidden behind this crooked smile filled with anger and defeat.

 

I’m at a loss for words.

For I’m afraid that their voices will never be heard.

That their stories will be blurred,

wiped away from existence as if this madness never even occurred,

but we are here today to ensure that they do not look away and try not to observe.

That they do ignore our pain and they do ignore our hurt.

 

And I say in this vain, but it could be worse.

For we got the words of the most understanding as we are taught that this is Allah's planning,

now don’t misunderstand me.

We will struggle, we will fall and all of the above,

but don’t mistake the fact that Allah only tests those whom he loves,

Allah only tests those whom he loves.

So hold your ground even when they try to break you, shake you, faze you

for you know within yourself the beauty of which Islam has given you. 

They/them Resource Library

Interested in learning more? Here is a collection of online media resources--podcasts, articles, documentaries, book--regarding trans, non-binary, and queer identity. There is no limit to how far you want to dive if you want to look deeper into the world of non-conforming gender and the identity politics that accompany it. 

They/them as a singular pronoun

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU GO BY "THEY" PRONOUNS?

They/Them Pronouns - How do I remember to use them?

Making a case for a singular ‘they’ (Associated Press)

It's Time for They (The New York Times)

The past, present, and future of the singular “they”: The pronoun is Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year. Here’s why.

What Is the Singular They, and Why Should I Use It?

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Gender-Neutral Pronouns

Beyond 'he' and 'she': The rise of non-binary pronouns

Gender neutrality in languages with gendered third-person pronouns

Why pronouns are important

• Why Gender Pronouns Matter (YouTube)
• "You look like a girl, so I'm going to call you girl" (YouTube)
• What and why of pronouns
• Pronouns During a Pandemic (They & Us Podcast)

The biological, evolutionary, genetic, and cultural components of trans identity

• How genes and evolution shape gender – and transgender – identity
• The largest study involving transgender people (Nature)
• Gonads: X & Y (RadioLab podcast)
• Podcast summary: A lot of us understand biological sex with a pretty fateful underpinning: if you’re born with XX chromosomes, you’re female; if you’re born with XY chromosomes, you’re male. But it turns out, our relationship to the opposite sex is more complicated than we think.
• GENDER REVOLUTION (National Geographic Special Issue)
• Being Trans Is Not a Choice
• How Do I Know If I'm Trans, Nonbinary?

Books

• Life Isn't Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between by by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker
• She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders by Jennifer Boylan 

TED Talks

• Toilets, bowties, gender and me

• Walking Through the World Non-Binary

• A Non-Binary Transition

• The Gender Tag: Authentic Gender Expression

Documentaries

• Disclosure
• Gender Revolution

Trans Culture and News

• Interview: Chloe Moore from Fight Like a Girl 
• On being a transwoman in Brazilian Jiujitsu
• Chloe Moore is a transgender BJJ competitor.
• She tells her story on this podcast episode
• Fight Like a Girl podcast
• Chloe Moore's podcast interviewing women in MMA and jiujitsu, including trans and queer people.
• Triangles Everywhere BJJ Group
• @triangles.everywhere.bjj on Instagram
• Everything In Between (Gender Rebels Podcast)
• Non-Binary Talk with Avery (Gender Rebels Podcast)
• Two Transsexuals Talk Nonbinary
• This Is an Essay About Penises
• Elliot Page Is Ready for This Moment
• Them.Us headlines
• Writer Samantha Riedel's work
•  PFLAG and Transgender Support (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)

Being Trans: The Creative

Whew. Do you think I got all of my defensiveness around trans identity out of my system yet? 

I’m ready to move on from defending trans identity to envisioning a better future where we don’t even need that label anymore.

How can we get there? How can we build a world without labels for our identities? How do we evolve our species to think beyond these boxes and labels?

Creativity. 

What is the relationship between creativity and evolution? 

My 10-year long practice training jiujitsu offers some insights. Creativity is what sets apart good and great jiujitsu. Without creativity, you cannot progress to the higher belts of jiujitsu--a brown belt will not become a black belt without creativity. 

Once martial artists reach the higher levels, their jiujitsu starts to evolve. Evolution of their own jiujitsu and evolution of the sport as a whole does not come by studying moves and replicating what other people do. 

Progress comes at the higher levels when practitioners start inventing their own jiujitsu. New jiujitsu moves come out every year with new names designated for the people who invented them: De La Riva, Worm Guard, and the Berimbolo to name a few moves invented by a person and spread across the world. 

Creativity embraces wholeness. As the jiujitsu journey progresses, the pieces of the puzzle will start to come together into a whole picture.

The higher belts start to progress further by taking one move from a position and seeing how they can use it in a different position. Ultimately, at the higher levels, each jiujitsu practitioner brings a bunch of different pieces together in a creative way that is unique to them and their own jiujitsu journey. Jiujitsu is an example of where going to the next belt signifies that you are evolving in your own game by integrating different moves together: linking sequences, translating concepts in multiple scenarios, and setting up chains of offense and defense.

In the same way, we can evolve our understanding of gender not by watching others, but by making new definitions of gender. We take different pieces of the puzzle--hormones, clothes, behavior, surgery-- and try them out, take risks, open up to failure, integrate lessons from those failures, and build a new conception of gender.

 

Transness is just one piece of the puzzle in a larger mosaic of artistic expression and creativity. Right now I am choosing to be creative with my gender. But you don’t have to change your gender to be creative. There are lots of ways to be creative as a way to evolve yourself and the human consciousness so that we can build a better future.

 

Creativity is about the moments where you combine garlic and salt to the onions over a sizzling skillet in that just-right way. Creativity is the joke made during a conversation with friends. The blog you wrote that only six people read. The song you wrote that only three people listen to. The play you wrote that only your kids appreciate. The book you wrote that only your mom reads. It doesn’t matter what the outcome is. The joy and the evolving is in the process of making the thing.

 

What can you do today to nurture and cultivate your creative self? Sing in the shower? Doodle in your notebook? Start a YouTube channel? Write in your journal?

 

Maybe it’s something bigger. Maybe you’ve always wanted to be an artist. Start that co-operative living community. Renovate your house. Write fan fiction. Publish that magazine article. Perform at an open mic night. Try your hand at stand up comedy.

 

Creativity is incredibly vulnerable and includes some inherent risk. You might get boo’d off the stage. You might go hungry as a starving artist. You might get rejected.

 

In all of the above examples, from gender to jiujitsu to cooking, the evolution comes when the action is about process, not product; when our goal is experimentation, not outcome. This is where our human species can evolve. The more we keep our noses in our screens and our fingers on our keypads and our brains focused on someone else's dreams, the less time we have to think of new and better solutions for our current world.

 

We can do better as humans. We’ve got a climate change disaster on our hands. We’ve got trans people getting murdered almost every day. We’ve got a military police state while white terrorists shoot up schools, churches, and grocery stores. We’re in the middle of a pandemic. There are concentration camps holding over one million Muslims in China. 

We need creative solutions for these problems. Being stuck in our one-way mindset is not going to solve them. And it starts with baby steps. Like singing in the shower and trying new spices in that soup simmering on the stove. 

Coffee Break with Glennon: Why is everybody so gay all of a sudden?

 In my previous post, I had a quote from Glennon Doyle from her book Untamed. I think the entire passage is worth reading, so I include it here. This is from p. 266 in her book. Glennon was on a speaking tour when an older lady stood up and asked the following question:

“I feel confused. My nephew is now my niece...my granddaughter took a girl to homecoming this year...And now you’re gay too? Why is everybody so gay all of a sudden?"

Glennon's response is below:

"There are wild mysterious forces inside and between human beings that we have never been able to understand. Forces like faith, like love, like sexuality. We are uncomfortable with our inability to comprehend or control these mysteries. 

So we took wild faith, the mysterious undefinable ever-shifting flow between humans and the divine and we packaged it into religions. We took wild sexuality, the mysterious undefinable ever-shifting flow between human beings and we packaged it into sexual identities. 

It’s like water in a glass. Faith is water, religion is the glass. Sexuality is water. Sexual identity is a glass. We created these glasses to try to contain uncontainable forces. Then we said to people: ‘Pick a glass: straight or gay.’...

So folks poured their wide juicy selves into those narrow, arbitrary glasses because that was what was expected. Many lived lives of quiet desperation slowly suffocating as they held their breath to fit inside. 

Somewhere, sometime, someone for whatever courageous miraculous reason finally acknowledged her dragon...

She dared to imagine an unseen order where she might be free. She refused to contain herself any longer. She decided to speak her insides on the outside and just let it burn. She raised her hand and said, ‘Those labels don’t feel true to me. I don’t want to squeeze myself into either of those glasses. For me, that’s not exactly it. I’m not sure what it is yet, but it’s not that.’ 

Someone else heard the first brave one speak and felt electric hope flowing through his veins. He thought, ‘Wait, what if I’m not alone? What if I’m not broken at all? What if the glasses system is broken?’ He felt his hand rise and his voice rise with a ‘Me too!’ Then another person’s hand slowly rose, then another and another until there was a sea of hands, some shaking, some in fists, a chain reaction of truth, hope and freedom. 

I don’t think that gayness is contagious. But I am certain that freedom is. 

In the name of freedom, we added more glasses...

'Here’s a bisexual glass for you, for you how about a pansexual glass?' We kept adding glasses...until it felt like we’d eventually use of the whole alphabet. This was better. But not exactly right. 

Because some glasses still came with fewer rights and greater burdens, and some people, like me, still couldn’t find a glass that fit. 

My hunch is that folks have always been 50 shades of gay. I wonder if instead of adding more glasses we should stop trying to contain people within them. Perhaps eventually we’ll rid ourselves of the glass system altogether. Faith, sexuality, and gender are fluid. No glasses. All sea...

Progress is perpetually undoing our no longer true enough systems in order to create new ones that more closely fit people as they really are. People aren’t changing, after all. It’s just that for the first time there’s enough freedom for people to stop changing who they are. 

Progress is the acknowledgement of what is and has always been. Progress is always a returning.”

—Glennon Doyle

Being Trans: The Cultural: Trans as Trending

 Do you think being trans is just a phase for you? Are you calling yourself trans just so that you can fit in? Do you think this whole “non-binary” thing is just a passing fad, a trend that you now want to be a part of?

I want to be very clear here.

Being trans is not a choice. [***TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS VIDEO***]

Being trans is not a trend. Being trans is terrifying. Being trans is dangerous.

What do I mean by that? Being trans is dangerous because trans people get murdered at disproportionately high rates. 

Being trans is dangerous to society because we are showing that binary thinking is not the Truth and disrupting the realities that people have built empires on.

It is true that more people are coming out as trans than ever before. But that’s because we were in the closet before. Because it is becoming safer and more accepted to come out of the closet. Being trans is not made up, a trend, or a choice.

In fact, trans and non-binary people have always been a part of human history. What is now known as "Two-Spirited" is well documented in the Indigenous people of North America, for example. 

Trans frequency and visibility is a function of societal mores.

Being out and trans means that person has decided it is more painful to continue hiding themself than it is to engage with the pain of living trans in a cis world. Once living in the closet is more painful than the harassment, the hate speech, the threat of rape, the violence, the micro aggressions and the macro aggressions—that is when someone comes out of the closet. As hard as those things are, as violent and scary as those things are, hiding yourself from the world has become even harder. And so you choose to come out. Coming out of the closet is a choice. Being trans is not a choice. 

Now, with all of that being said, I can see how some people might think this about me—that I’m just following a trend—because I have used she/her pronouns for so long, I have a feminine voice and mannerisms, and I have felt very strong as a woman in recent history.

All of those things are still a part of myself. Growing up as an AFAB has absolutely shaped my life in beautiful and profound ways, and I’m not casting off my entire life history by identifying as transmasculine.

But now that I’m out of the closet with my new name, presentation and pronouns, I can’t imagine getting back in there.

People told me being bi was a phase too. Here I am, ten years later, the happiest queer in the world dating all kinds of genders. I haven’t looked back and my trans journey feels quite similar.

Gender is fluid. It is possible moving forward that I will decide to fully transition into being a man. It is possible I will continue using they/them pronouns. It is also possible that I will go back to she/her pronouns. These things change over time for people and that is okay.

It is okay for me to change my mind. 

Glennon Doyle says it perfectly in her book: "I don’t think that gayness is contagious. But I am certain that freedom is" (p. 226). 

Being Trans: The Cultural: External Appearance: Part 2

 In my previous post, I wrote that: "Being trans is so much more than just the skin of the apple. Trans is the rich and juicy texture below the surface."

I believe this whole-heartedly. 

And yet. 

There is always culture. Culture shapes us into who we are. There is always society. Society is always there interacting with you. As Torrey Peters writes in Detransition Baby: "No matter how you self-identity ultimately, chances are that you succumb to becoming what the world treats you as" (36). Does this mean that we should all just succumb to what the world thinks we should be? Absolutely not. 

What it means is: When the way people see you doesn't match up with the way you see yourself, it's easy to have some serious disconnection with self, body, and soul. Being trans is about replacing connection with disconnection. 

Because gender is real. And because is gender is absolutely socially constructed, how you present--from your name to your pronouns to your clothes and more--will affect the way people treat you. If you change your presentation so that it matches up with the way you want to be treated, you can experience more resonance and less dissonance with yourself and the world. 

Being trans is about how I want to be seen and treated within the socially constructed reality of the gender spectrum. Within that socially constructed reality that we all live in during our time here on this Earth, how you present and identify affects the way that people see and treat you.

Here I provide you with a brief anecdote to describe what I mean by this.

 

Before I learned how to ski in the backcountry, there had been an underlying assumption in the family that if Brai and their sibling wanted to go out skiing, I would stay behind, which is what happened during COVID. Or, that I would ski the easier stuff, or I would hike instead. During that time, I often grouped myself in with Brai's female in-laws. 

But then I learned how to ski in the backcountry in November 2020.

About a month later, Brai and I had been out skiing several times and I was starting to improve. Over the Christmas break, two of Brai’s other siblings and their girlfriends came to visit us in Colorado. This was after I had changed my name to Saar and Brai's family was using they/them pronouns with me.

 

I was also presenting masculine.

Brai's family knew the drill--when someone is using they/them pronouns, as their sibling does, that person wants to be seen and treated as gender neutral. 

 

Over New Year’s, we all went out on a two-day ski hut trip in the backcountry of Colorado. 

Making our way up to the hut, I carried two heavy bags. To get the food, water, cooking supplies, and other equipment up the mountain, I had to carry one bag on my back and one on my front. Nobody once said, “Omg are you okay? Is that too heavy for you? Let me help.” A couple people said, “You’re strong! Wow, look at you” but nobody even once suggested that I was too weak. Nobody exaggeratingly exclaimed about how I’m amazingly strong for a woman (which is something I get a lot when people see how big my arms are).

During one of the days, the ladies of the group sat at the bottom of the mountain in the sun and cheered everyone else on.

 

For me, there was an audible silence: nobody suggested even once that I join the girls, that I was one of the girls, that I should sit with the girls, that I should watch and cheer everyone else on. I and everyone else assumed that I would just be skiing with everyone else. Of course, I’m still a beginner skier and I fell several times going down the mountain and went slower than everyone else on the way down. 

But the last lap up the mountain? I charged up the hill faster than anyone else. On my way down, the ladies cheered me on just like they did with everyone else.

 

“You’re such a bad ass!” one of them said after my third lap up the mountain. That moment was gender euphoria for me.

 

I was just part of the group. I was just one of the athletic humans going up and down the mountain, carrying all the gear and crushing it in the process. Not being grouped in with the females in any way that entire trip was incredibly validating for me.

 

Some of you may be thinking: “Well, that’s how it should be for everyone, not just trans people!” Or, “I’m a cis woman and I feel the same way being grouped in with girls when it comes to sports or other activities!”

 

Yes, I agree! We really shouldn’t have these gender constructs that divide us into categories based on our genitalia or our presentation and appearance. I think everyone can agree on that and I think everyone can agree that we should have equality between the sexes.

 

But that’s not my point here: my point is not to say that gender is socially constructed. Of course gender is socially constructed. I think that idea is widely understood and accepted. My main point here is not to say that we should dismantle the patriarchy and all be equal and see each other as humans instead of as “men” and “women.” (though I do agree with those ideas!)

 

My main point here is that I’m fucking trans and that Brai’s family validated my identity by 1) using my name, 2) using my pronouns, 3) not using female terms like “girl” or “lady” to describe me, and 4) whether subconsciously or consciously not grouping me in with the other women on the trip.

 

Now, if I want equal rights, of course I don’t have to change my name, gender, pronouns, and appearance just so I can be treated as a human. Lots of cis women are fighting for their rights and doing a great job. Yay for them! BUT presenting masculine means that I am looking at the social construction of gender and saying, “Okay, that’s a thing and I AM here on the spectrum.” AND presenting masculine means that I am treated and seen in society as a way that affirms the way I feel inside: like a guy, like a dude, like a human. 

The public perception that being trans = how you dress and what hormones you are on is a misconception. Being trans is so much deeper than these superficial, surface level, and frankly, vain aspects.

 

Being trans is about how you feel in your soul, in your heart, in your mind, and in your spirit. How you feel there doesn’t match up with what society expects of you. There is a disconnect between the sex you were assigned at birth and how you feel on the inside. Being trans is about healing that disconnection. Being trans is aligning your inside with your outside in a way that you want to be seen and treated in the world.

You thought I might forget but I haven't: Whether you are cis or trans, what can you do to present to the world in a way that matches how you feel inside and how you want to be treated? 

If you want to play sports, does that mean you should start dressing like a boy? Absolutely not. You should go out and play sports and demand equality no matter what your gender is. Does it mean that if you don't want to wear make-up and still be treated like a human being at work, then you should go ahead and do that? YES. Does it mean that if you don't want to wear high-heels and still be treated like a human, then you should go ahead and do that? YES. 

Does it mean that if you want to wear that pink floral top even though it makes you look a little femme, then you should go ahead and do that? YES. Does it mean you should go get a pedicure because it feels good even though you think it's a girls thing to do? YES. Does it mean you should demand from society to treat you the way you want to be treated--with respect and dignity for the human being that you are? YES. 

Does it mean that society will always treat you the way you want to be treated? No. But it doesn't mean we should stop trying.