Do you think being trans is just a phase for you? Are you calling yourself trans just so that you can fit in? Do you think this whole “non-binary” thing is just a passing fad, a trend that you now want to be a part of?
I want to be very clear here.
Being trans is not a choice. [***TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS VIDEO***]
Being trans is not a trend. Being trans is terrifying. Being trans is dangerous.
What do I mean by that? Being trans is dangerous because trans people get murdered at disproportionately high rates.
Being trans is dangerous to society because we are showing that binary thinking is not the Truth and disrupting the realities that people have built empires on.
It is true that more people are coming out as trans than ever before. But that’s because we were in the closet before. Because it is becoming safer and more accepted to come out of the closet. Being trans is not made up, a trend, or a choice.
In fact, trans and non-binary people have always been a part of human history. What is now known as "Two-Spirited" is well documented in the Indigenous people of North America, for example.
Trans frequency and visibility is a function of societal mores.
Being out and trans means that person has decided it is more painful to continue hiding themself than it is to engage with the pain of living trans in a cis world. Once living in the closet is more painful than the harassment, the hate speech, the threat of rape, the violence, the micro aggressions and the macro aggressions—that is when someone comes out of the closet. As hard as those things are, as violent and scary as those things are, hiding yourself from the world has become even harder. And so you choose to come out. Coming out of the closet is a choice. Being trans is not a choice.
Now, with all of that being said, I can see how some people might think this about me—that I’m just following a trend—because I have used she/her pronouns for so long, I have a feminine voice and mannerisms, and I have felt very strong as a woman in recent history.
All of those things are still a part of myself. Growing up as an AFAB has absolutely shaped my life in beautiful and profound ways, and I’m not casting off my entire life history by identifying as transmasculine.
But now that I’m out of the closet with my new name, presentation and pronouns, I can’t imagine getting back in there.
People told me being bi was a phase too. Here I am, ten years later, the happiest queer in the world dating all kinds of genders. I haven’t looked back and my trans journey feels quite similar.
Gender is fluid. It is possible moving forward that I will decide to fully transition into being a man. It is possible I will continue using they/them pronouns. It is also possible that I will go back to she/her pronouns. These things change over time for people and that is okay.
It is okay for me to change my mind.
Glennon Doyle says it perfectly in her book: "I don’t think that gayness is contagious. But I am certain that freedom is" (p. 226).
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