My 34th Birthday

You’re one year older, one year wiser. What is one thing that you learned this year?

Life will take you in all sorts of unexpected directions. There is no way that you can predict the future. For me this year, the unexpected events were getting a teaching job that I hated, moving back to Colorado, the joy of training a dog, breaking my fibula, going back to school, getting an internship as a data analyst, starting my own editorial business and personal assistant business. These were all things that at this time last year I would not have been able to predict. They were not even in my periphery of things as remotely possible for the year. 

So, to my 34 year old self, I say: buckle up. There are going to be things that happen this year that you can’t plan, can’t predict, can’t know. All you can do is take it one day at a time. But, for God’s sake, try to enjoy this time. Time is one thing you can never earn back and never get back. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. You’ll only be 34 once. Enjoy it. Enjoy your young body, your healthy body, your dog, your wife, your house, your time here on earth, your job, and your friends. You not only have an abundance of time, but you have an abundance of money. Enjoy it. You never know when it might all be taken from you. 

This year, I had an abundance of time for myself and my body, to exercise, read, and do yoga. I really am living my best life. I have no regrets. Some of the things I did:

Went to Hawaii. Got a dog. Got married. Did a jiujitsu camp. Worked at REI. Worked at AMS. Got top surgery. Got a mountain bike and learned how to MTB. Braved the Phoenix summer. Taught two courses about Uyghurs for high school teachers. Published two articles about LGBT Uyghurs. Gave a talk about Uyghurs at ASU. Traveled to Minnesota for Fourth of July. Traveled to Wisconsin for a wedding. Traveled to Chicago for another wedding. Saw Andrea Gibson and Zoe Keating live. Saw Ray LaMontage and Frank Turner live. Went to two orchestra concerts. Started queer community in Arizona. Visited the Grand Canyon. Went backpacking in Arizona. Finished my book. Learned how to lead climb and led climb outside multiple times. Mentored my cousin Bella. Worked on my Spanish. Trained and bonded with Bruno. Moved back to Colorado. Learned how to code. Started my own business. Went back to school. 

Time is finite. Once it’s gone, you can never get it back. 

Time is going to slip through your fingers like water. Trying to hold onto time is like trying to hold onto water. You can squeeze as hard as you like, there’s no keeping it in one place. Squeezing is only going to exhaust you. You have to flow with it. You can swim in it, plunging until you are surrounded by the cool water, you can float, you can sink, you can tread water, and you can swim. Or you can do all of the above. 

But nobody is going to hand you a fluffy stuffed animal of water. That’s not how it works. It’s too fluid. So you can learn to swim, you can learn to dance in the rain. You can thrash around until you just can’t take it anymore, or you can take it one lap at a time. Nobody ever said it was easy. Writing a book, training for a triathlon. Nobody did those things and said, yeah no big deal. But sports, friends, creativity. They did say that was fun. 

You don't have time. You can't hold onto time. But you do get to choose what you do with it. It’s your day. It’s your year. It’s your life. It’s your time. 

Only you get to decide what comes in and what comes out of your life. Nobody is going to do it for you. Nobody is going to give you permission. In that sense, you are on your own to a certain extent. We all need a team, and the universe has your back. But you are the one that gets to create your life. The greatest creative project of all is to create your life the way you want to live. 

Some people have children and live vicariously through them. "I'm going to give them the life that I wish I could have had," they say. What about giving yourself the live you wish you had? You get to re-parent yourself. There is still time to lead the life that you've always wanted. What's holding you back? Fear? Scarcity? Dependence? Consider this a sign. Consider this permission from the universe. Go live the life that you've always wanted for yourself. Your birthday is your day, but your year is your life. It's your time. You don't own it, you can't control it, but you do get to decide what to do with it. 

This year, I learned the importance of the dance between resistance and acceptance. You can't have one without the other, they complement each other, and feed off of one another. I had to accept the realities of life, marriage, work, career, capitalism, and sexism. The limits of time, money, and ability. But there is also space for resistance. Rest, gender, and advocacy. Believing that there is value in pushing back. Resisting my old patterns and instincts. Resisting the status quo through creativity, evolution, growth, and spirituality. They are both true and they are both valuable. 

What is your word for this year? 

TIME. I want to learn to flow with it instead of against it. I want to learn to love and appreciate it, instead of always being mad at it. I want to embrace it and enjoy it, rather than always waiting for the next thing. I want to be present with it and extend it through my presence with it. I want to forget about it and remember that I can't control it. I want to learn how to dance and flow with it. 

The secondary words are: 

Rest, Love, Learn, Create. Go to the people.