Every year, I like to do a post for my birthday answering the question: "You're one year older, one year wiser. What is one thing that you learned this year?" Of course, being the verbose person that I am, I always end up with more than one thing. This year, I'm going to post in multiple installments, each with one lesson from my 35th year (in no particular order). Here's the third one.
TLDR; Life is a very short creative project. You create your own destiny. You write the end to your own story.
It's so easy to blame others for my problems. To blame the system. To blame my parents. To blame the narcissists and control freaks for what they could be doing better and differently. Blame my boss for giving me too much work, blame co-workers for being too lazy.
The truth is that it's terrifying to take a good long look in the mirror and my flaws and the role I have played in my own failures.
Maybe this is obvious to everyone else, but for me this was a huge breakthrough: You create your life. And in doing so, you create your own destiny.
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The big change I made this year was cutting my work hours to 32 hours per week (back from 40 hours).
Last year, I was burned to a crisp. And I would complain about it to anyone who would listen. Life for me was miserable, I didn't have enough time to take care of myself, the house, my dog, or my spouse. It was an endless hamster wheel of staring at a computer screen while my hunchback go worse by the day, causing me serious shoulder and neck pain, as well as frequent headaches and stomachaches.
I had money though. I had money for massages and toys--outdoor gear, jiujitsu training clothes, ski passes, and multiple vacations. But I was not happy. None of those things bought me happiness. Comfort? Yes. But what was I actually seeking? Not comfort, but intense experiences like mountain biking trips in Moab, jiujitsu memberships, and a 4-day fasting retreat that was anything but comfortable.
So what was the point of running in this endless rat race?
I had to face reality. I was just not cut out for this crazy ass mother fing dog-eat-dog world. But what could I handle? I could handle 32 hours a week. I asked my boss if I could cut down my hours and not work on Fridays. She said yes.
Nobody told me what to do. Nobody did it for me. I had to take charge of my own life and say: this is what I want for my life.
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Call it human evolution or spiritual consciousness or ego or dopamine or whatever you want, at the end of the day it is in the seeking that you shall find and it is in the struggle and pain and difficulty that you will emerge liberated. And nobody is going to do it for you.
You're on your own, kid. You always have been.
I'm an adult now. With great power comes great responsibility. So it's time to take responsibility for my own life and start writing what I want my own obituary to say about me.
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