Hiding and Loving: Part 2

(This is a true story that occurred in June 2017.)

“Did you get the text I sent last night?” Li Tian asked.

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t respond.”

“I didn’t know what to say. I’m not really a big texter,” I explained. 

“I see,” she said, pausing for a while.

“Well, let’s go out to eat then,” she suggested. She took me to a Western restaurant with sandwiches, pizza, and hamburgers. I got a hamburger and with the first bite, I groaned in pleasure. It was the first authentic hamburger I’d had in months: juicy with a crunch of lettuce and tomato in between.

“So I was thinking that tomorrow morning I could make you breakfast,” she blurted out.

What. The. Fuck. She just assumed she would be staying over tonight???

“Uh, sorry, you can’t stay at my place tonight.”

“Oh,” and a look of disappointment crosses her face, as her face turned into a frown and her eyes relaxed like a puppy.

“Yeah, I can’t really sleep with other people in my bed. So I need to sleep alone,” I explained. 

“Oh, okay. Well I guess I’ll go over to Aynur’s tonight,” she sighed. 

“Okay then.” I inwardly roll my eyes.

The next day, a Sunday morning, I woke up alone.

“Seriously, Sarah?” I thought to myself. “You spend almost three years alone and now when you have an opportunity, you can’t even let her stay over? Is this how it’s going to be the rest of your life?”

I picked up the phone and called her.

“Li Tian.”

“Yeah?”

“Hey, I was thinking… next time you can stay overnight, okay?”

“Okay.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

Despite my initial hesitation, Li Tian and I continued seeing each other. Dating included her calling me multiple times a day to tell me to dress warmly at night and bring an umbrella when it’s going to rain and to eat lots of fruit and vegetables and drink lots of hot water. I always responded by rolling my eyes.

Ring. Ring. I saw “Li Tian” on the screen and sighed. Again?

“Wei?” (Hello?)

“Wei.” (Hello.)

“Have you eaten?” This is a common greeting in China, equivalent to Americans’ “how are you?” question.

“Yes, I’ve eaten.”

“What did you eat?”

“Yogurt.”

“You know, that’s not really enough,” she told me.

“Yes, it is,” I insisted. I hear a sigh on the other end of the phone line.

“Okay, fine.”

“I have a Dad, I don’t need another one,” I told her later. “I don’t need you to take care of me. You need to lay off.”

“Got it,” she said.

“I don’t want to rush into anything. I think we need to slow down. I’m not really looking for a girlfriend,” I explained.

“Well, then what are we? Is this just for fun for you? Is this just like playing a game to you? Because that’s not what I want," she countered.

“Let’s give it a month of dating, okay? Get to know each other a little better. I barely know you and I can’t tell if we’re a good match. Then after a month we can decide.”

“Fine,” she agreed reluctantly.

I dedicate this series of posts to the Black Lives Matter protests. Because we are all in this fight together. Sitting in silence is more harmful to ourselves than ever. As Dr. King said, "Threat to justice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."